Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Unacceptable Arguments In Favor Of The Confederate Flag

  • State’s rights.
  • Heritage.
  • Because, like my daddy before me, I took a rebel stand.
  • It really goes with the drapes.
  • Someone done greased the pole, and I had sent my Cousin Bucky down to Mapleville with the digger: got a three-ton chifferobe what needs bustin’ up, so I will get them Stars and Bars down, Mr. Mayor, but it ain’t gon’ be today. How’s yo mama and them?
  • Benghazi.
  • First Amendment.
  • How else can we so effectively reassure white people about, and remind black people of, their respective places?
  • It’s actually not the Confederate flag: it’s the Battle Flag of the Confed–
  • SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP.
  • I hate that fucking guy with everything in my withered husk of a heart.
  • What will white trash hotties wear on their bikinis?
  • What if we only let stone-cold teen foxes wear the flag in the form of hot pants or that thing where they tie the t-shirt up right below their boobies, would that be okay?
  • Southern girls, they got nothing to lose.
  • The archery team has run out of bullseyes, and need something to aim for.
  • What about people from nowhere near the south who want to let everyone know that they’re terrible?
  • What about the foreign racists?
  • Won’t someone think of the foreign racists?
  • Everyone is really used to giving directions referencing it.
  • The Civil War wasn’t entirely about slavery.
  • Just almost entirely; there was also some bullshit about tariffs.
  • How come we can’t fly the flag of a traitorous rebellion above a government building, when the homosexuals can hang their rainbow flags in the windows of their privately-owned bars and artisanal charcuteries?
  • Can’t afford to repaint the General Lee.

20 Comments

  1. Always found it a tad strange that “night they drove old Dixie down” was written by a Canadian of mixed native(Mohawk six nations), and Jewish heritage.

  2. re the last bullet point: I’m currently living in northern Maine. Like, the frontier, the absolute top, I-can-peer-into-New-Brunswick-as-I-write-this northern Maine. It’s about as geographically far removed from the South as one can be and still be in this nation is your take-away.

    Anywho, the tiny township I reside in has a total population of maybe 372 living people, and I’ll be damned if within a quarter-mile from my home there are not one but *two separate motor vehicles painted like the General Lee*.

  3. Don’t blame it on your father,he worked the land. It was your brother who took a rebel stand.

  4. what do YOU know about chiffarobe-bustin’…boy?

  5. “Virgil Cane is my name and I worked on the Danville train…”

    It wasn’t true but it was a Hell of a Myth. I’m going to miss parts of it, but this time it really is “Gone with The Wind.”

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