Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Unanswered Questions About The GnR Reunion Rolling Stone Was Afraid To Ask, The Big Babies

Some of you, and I won’t say who (yet), have objected to what you sense will be ongoing coverage of the Year of Guns N’ Roses. Is there a multi-day examination of the band’s limited but brilliant career upcoming? Yes. Will Axl and Billy begin punching one another immediately upon meeting? Of course. Will there be a shitty poem about Steven Adler? Sadly, probably.

I empathize, of course. Perhaps you–if among the maligned–could take your custom elsewhere, and patronize one of the many other blogs that do whatever the hell this isOH WAIT, THERE AREN’T ANY.

Please stop yelling at the nice people.

They don’t appreciate me enough.

I hate you. Get back to whatever point you were making.

There’s an article in the pages (?) of Rolling Stone asking the deep and penetrating questions about Guns’ announced reunion shows at Coachella written by a guy named Andy Greene; I am assuming he is a nice Jewish boy, but he has left out many questions.

How many? We’ll know when we get to the end, won’t we? Don’t be such a smartass all the time.

Dude.

Anyway, here we go:

  • Seriously, who’s in the damn band?
  • You know if you don’t let Steven Adler in the band, he’s going to kill himself, right?
  • Axl, have you called Steven yet?
  • Does anyone even know Izzy’s phone number?
  • Can Izzy Stradlin text? (I’d prefer it if he couldn’t, to be honest.)
  • Is the team who sliced 60 pounds off Mark Hamill available?
  • Will Buckethead be involved?
  • If not, who will do the nunchuck solo?
  • Did you know that Axl let that asshole do a nunchuck solo every night?
  • What about Bumblefoot?
  • Did you know there was a guy named Bumblefoot?
  • And that Axl employed him?
  • Oh, God: you’re not going to play any of the new shit, are you?
  • You know that there will be a sniper positioned to take you out if the words, “Here’s something from Chinese Democracy” come out of your mouth.
  • Assuming an intra-band Twitter war doesn’t scuttle the ship in March, will you be rehearsing or going with the Dead’s FTW strategy of “I’m sure we remember the arrangements?”
  • Are you going to start a riot?
  • You’re going to start a riot, aren’t you?
  • You know the only beautiful thing to do would be to start a riot, don’t you?
  • Please won’t you start a riot?

15 Comments

  1. How many of the band members have serious mental health issues ?

  2. An important political philosopher once said (to paraphrase) “History repeats itself, the first time as Tragedy and the second time as Farce.” It seems like a nice metaphor for the history, demise and reunion of the Grateful Dead and then Guns N Roses.

  3. Bonnie Lass of Fenario

    January 6, 2016 at 12:54 pm

    Why anyone gives a flying fuck about GnR at this point is beyond me. John Mayer’s underwear is actually more relevant.

  4. This remains my primary association with GNR: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vW7Z20fJH6I

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

*