Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Vaders, Be Good To Your Daughters II

A long time away, ago, whatever.

“LEIA, WHY CAN’T YOU BE LIKE YOUR BROTHER? HE HAS FORGIVEN ME AND SEEN THE GOOD IN ME. WE HANG OUT NOW; WE’RE BROS.”

“Luke should stop talking to you. Your evil sentenced him to a childhood on that awful desert planet, and then you had the people who raised him killed.”

“I DID NOT ORDER THEIR DEATHS DIRECTLY.”

“Then you killed his newfound mentor in front of him.”

“YES.”

“And sliced off his hand.”

“ALSO YES.”

“And you two are ‘bros?'”

“HE HAS FORGIVEN ME, LEIA. WE ARE TOTALLY CHILL NOW.”

“Did you use the Jedi mind trick on Luke?”

“NO.”

“Did you use the Jedi mind trick on Luke?”

“YES.”

“You monster!”

“YOU’RE THE ONE WHO SAID HE WAS A DOOFUS.”

“That doesn’t make it okay to wave your fingers and make him forgive you for a lifetime of galactic oppression and genocide.”

“ALTERING HIS PERCEPTION THROUGH MY MASTERY OF THE FORCE IS ACCEPTABLE IF IT LEADS TO MY SON BEING BACK IN MY LIFE.”

“No! That’s the kind of ends-justifying-the-means thinking that led you to blow up a planet. Where’s this redemption you claim to seek, Vader? I don’t see the good in you like my brother.”

“I HAVE CHANGED. MY DEATH OF DARTH VADER WAS THE REBIRTH OF ANAKIN SKYWALKER, THE GOOD MAN WHO WAS THERE ALL ALONG. SINCE BECOMING A FORCE GHOST, I HAVEN’T KILLED ANYONE.”

“Could you?”

“COULD I WHAT?”

“You’re a force ghost. Could you even kill someone if you wanted to?”

“HUH. I HAVEN’T TRIED. MAYBE. CALL SOMEONE INTO THE ROOM.”

Get out.

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