Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Wait Til Your Garcia Gets Home

jerry briefcase leather

Hey, Garcia. What’s in–

“Drugs; you know what’s in the briefcase. Quit fucking around and get your shit together.”

I’m trying.

“You’re not. You just want to have your shit together. You have done nothing to get your shit together.”

I’ve been successfully lying to my friends and family about having quit smoking.

“Yeah, man – are you trying to claim a successful lie as ‘a success?’ Even you should realize how sad that is.”

I do. Now.

“You need some sort of plan. Even a bad one, man. Just a plan and stick to it.”

Well, you know: not to be rude, but look who’s giving me advice.

“And look where it got me, jagoff. You know your only modes of relating with humanity is avoiding it or fighting it?”

That’s normal.

“For a wolverine, yeah. If you were a legendarily ferocious Canadian giant death weasel, then your behavior would be right down the middle of the plate. For a human, though: outlier.”


“Yeah. You’re running out of last chances.”

I thought those were infinite.

“That could be part of the problem right there.”

Can we get back to foolish banter and witty, light-hearted skits?

“Oh, sure. Let’s talk about what’s in my briefcase.”

Ooh, fun.

“Just, you know: stop being such a goddamn asshole. And if you can’t, point it at yourself. Cut the shit, Ricky. No one’s laughing.”

“Let’s do some silly stuff.”

I feel like you crossed some sort of line there.

“I know, right? It’s exciting. I have a boner.”

No, wait: I am seriously starting to regret writing any of you with free will. You’re fictional.

“First of all, everyone in here is semi-fictional. Second of all, there is no thing as ‘in here.’ Third of all, there is no such thing as a free will.”

I think that sounds deeper than it is.

“Well, there’s a fuck-ton of drugs in the briefcase, remember.”



  1. I’ve seen that picture a few times. That’s Weir’s Vette, but whose Cadillac? I owned a ’72 DeVille for a while but it was seafoam green. This one is blacker and less ironic, more badass. We know Jerry and the Persians drove Beemers. Who belongs to that Cadillac?

    Also: Smoking’s bad.

    • There’s another picture that I’ve posted of Garcia admiring the Caddy. And one more, maybe?

      • You make fun of, or comically comment on, vaping now and then (for the most part rightfully so, it is a bit dorky) but it’s the only thing that helped me quit “analog” cigarettes. Smoked 20yrs (17-37yrs old) and haven’t puffed a dart in over a year now. Still a nicotine addict, but it’s gotta be a little healthier right? Gotta find the right ecig and juice or it won’t work… One of Garcia’s comments about drugs related to the notion that if they were legal, maybe they could be made to be safer. Jury’s not in but maybe it’s got that goin for it… Also- Mark Twain said, “quitting smoking is easy, I’ve done it thousands of times.” So, good luck.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.