Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

We All Gotta Eat


Cooking With Bobby was not the success everyone had hoped for. Right off the bat: Phil wrote and sang the theme song, so 90% of potential viewers tuned out within a minute. The song was seven minutes, however, so by the time Bobby started fucking around with the vegetables, fourteen people were watching and that was only because they had all lost their remote controls.

Another problem that might have been fixed before renting a TV studio was the fact that Bobby had never prepared food on purpose. Two or three times, he had left his tofu and brown rice in Garcia’s room and the inevitable, accidental fire cooked him lunch, but Bobby had never intentionally fed himself or others.

At a loss and unable to read the teleprompter, Bobby settled on staring manfully at the camera while fondling peppers.

The show was cancelled retroactively using Time Sheath technology.


  1. Didn’t Bob have his own line of stir fry sauces a few years back?

    Those might have caused some autism. Specially if combined with Sammy Hagar’s line of tequila.

  2. Weir said onions were the only food that could make him cry. That was before Billy hit him in the head with a coconut.

  3. Sir Luther Van Baconson

    February 21, 2015 at 6:03 pm

    i was honest as a Denver Omelette could be……

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