Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Weird Beards

Elvis should not have a beard. Wayne Cochran never had a beard because, as a good American, Wayne Cochran knows that only homosexuals, hippies, and the Lord Jesus Christ are permitted to wear facial hair. Elvis should not have a beard.

Mick Jagger should not have a beard, even though he is rocking that shit so hard that I am now pregnant from having looked at it.

Neither Robert Plant nor Jimmy Page should have beards because this is how they wear them: Robert looks like the Anonymous mask, and Jimmy resembles Arlo Guthrie’s brother. (Arlo Guthrie’s brother is his lyricist, and his name is John Perry Barlo Guthrie.)

Representative Jason Chaffetz (R-UT) should not have a beard, but she knew what she was getting herself into. Wives always know.


  1. John Perry Barlo Guthrie!!!


    You outdo yourself with clever, sir!

  2. Why did Mick grow a beard?

    • Thoughts On The Dead

      January 12, 2017 at 10:05 pm

      He had a scraggly one in the 60’s when he shot played the Australian outlaw Ned Kelly in a movie, but this one was in 1979.

      Someone somewhere on the innertubes says it’s a vacation beard, but it must have been a six-month vacation.

      On the other hand, Rock Stars do occasionally take six-month vacations.

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