Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

What Big Eyes You Have

A few years ago, Enthusiasts, I let you in on the secret of Playing in the Band: it’s about Charles Whitman, the University of Texas sniper. Chuck was the one standing on the tower with the world at his command; that line’s the key to the song.

And now TotD will reveal the truth behind Dire Wolf.

Our narrator, having had his whiskey, sees the wolf–all 600 pounds of him–at the window. Does he run? Fight? Hide? No: all he says is “come on in.” Then he begs not to be murdered.

Why invite the wolf in and then plead for your life? You would do one or the other, and certainly not in that order. It’s almost as if the man from Fennario is luring the Dire Wolf into a trap.

Which he is, and one word in the following lines clues us in: “I cut MY deck to the Queen of Spades, but the cards were all the same.” He doesn’t cut THE deck: it’s his. He knew the answer before he asked the question.

And then the last line, the punchline: “The Dire Wolf collects his due.”

That hairy fucker got what was coming to him.


  1. Hey, this one’s actually plausible! I like it.

  2. and that right there is worth a jelly-filled donate

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