White House Senior Adviser Jared Kushner, U.S. President Donald Trump’s son-in-law, is visiting Iraq with Marine General Joseph Dunford, the chairman of the U.S. military’s Joint Chiefs of Staff, a senior Trump administration official said on Sunday.
The official, who spoke on condition of anonymity, said Kushner wanted to see Iraq for himself and to show support for the Iraqi government. The official was confirming a report by other media, including a tweet by a New York Times reporter. – Reuters, 4/2/1
Monday Iraq in the morning, Iran in the afternoon. (“While we’re here, let’s take care of this.”) On the plane ride back, Jared Kushner invents a new kind of battery made from trilithium which is 700% more efficient than current models.
Tuesday Jared Kushner speaks before Parliament outlining what he calls “A Sane Way Forward” with the Brexit. His plan–which is brilliant and no one had thought of before and makes everyone happy–is a rousing success. Queen Elizabeth and the rest of Parliament give him a ten-minute standing ovation, during which he composes a light opera which will go on to win several awards.
Wednesday Opiates, the economy, the Veteran’s Administration, China, Mexico, due diligence on the AT&T/Time Warner merger, poverty on Indian reservations, NASA funding, and revamping the public schools. Lunch. Climate Change, NATO, immigration reform, total rewrite of the healthcare bill, Net Neutrality, infrastructure, Area 51, reintroducing wolves to Yellowstone, complete overhaul of fracking regulations. Dinner. Family time. Fix the Navy. Sleep.
Thursday Currently, we do not know whether every prime number appears in the Euclid-Mullin sequence. Jared Kushner will solve this problem on Thursday.
Friday Two words: healthy cigarettes.
Saturday This is the Sabbath. Jared Kushner will think about why bad things happen to good people, and then he’ll figure it out. He’s going to tell us and we’ll all be, “That is airtight, Jared Kushner. Why didn’t we put you in charge of everything a long time ago?” and he will accept our love humbly, while washing the feet of the poor.
Sunday On Sunday, Jared Kushner will cure narcolepsy, epilepsy, catalepsy, milkandpepsi, diphtheria, grapefruitation of the testes, brain spasms, loose eyeballs, plantar’s fasciitis, walking pneumonia, walking herpes, vitiligo, vertigo, vascular de gama, tinnitus, blemished spleen, arteriorectal sprinklering, and the common cold.
Next Monday, he’ll get up and do it all over again for you.
And for America.