Hey, Bill Walton. Is that–

“It’s Brent.”

–Brent in the…yeah, I figured.

“Sporting events are his jam. That and theme parks. Very easy for a 27-years-dead guy to walk around in those venues.”


“Nudist colonies, not so much.”

Do you frequent nudist colonies, Bill Walton?

“Oh, yeah. I love to dangle.”


“Many people don’t know that the testicles absorb vitamin D more efficiently than any other part of the body. Couple hours of sun on your balls, and you feel like a new man.”

Let’s move on. Are you in Utah? The background does not look like Utah.

“The Beehive State is fascinatingly diverse. And by that, I mean the landscape and climate. Not the people.”

It’s a homogeneous place.

“I thought I saw a black guy yesterday, but it was a Mormon’s shadow. Incredible history, the Mormons. Do you know they believe that Jesus was resurrected in Missouri?”

Yes, I’ve heard that.

“I nearly resurrected in Missouri. Almost signed with the St. Louis Spirit of ’76.”

The ABA team?

“Yeah. They wanted me, man. Sent Marvin ‘Bad News’ Barnes up to Portland to talk to me. At least, they tried to: Marvin missed five straight planes and then punched a police horse.”

Sounds like him.



“Lost track of Brent. Darn.”

Is that bad?

“He tends to affect the attributes of the animal he’s wearing.”

Oh, no.

“Yeah, he’s been leaping at sunbathers from second-floor windows.”

You should find him.

“Conference of Champions!”