Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

What Is TotD Dying Of Today?

  • Foot-in-ass disease.
  • Bruce-allosis. (My denim is all stuffed up, and my stories about my father are snot-filled.)
  • St. Vitus’ Dance, Dance Revolution.
  • Epstein-Barr.
  • Roseanne-Barr.
  • The mumps, the mumps, the lovely lady mumps.
  • Common’s cold. (This is a rhinovirus picked up from actor/rapper Common.)
  • West Nile Fever.
  • West LA Fadeaway.
  • Humangitis. (Non-gendered meningitis.)
  • Smallpox.
  • Normalsizedpox.
  • Fuckingenormouspox.
  • Bad AIDS. (Not to be confused with that helpful AIDS that Magic Johnson has.)
  • Dengue Fever.
  • Dengarr Fever. (No disintegrations!)
  • Lassa Fever.
  • Lassie Fever. (Just like Lassa Fever, but with far more wells involved.)
  • Foreign Legionnaire’s Disease.
  • Anemia, malnutrition, semi-diagnosed sleep apnea, and ethanol withdrawal. (Nah, couldn’t be.)


  1. That underfed ethanol withdrawal is some ugly bad juju, if that’s what ails ya.

    Hang in there, buddy. 72 hours max before the flop sweats and anxiety shivers abate . . .

  2. We’ll get through somehow.

  3. The Central Shaft

    January 8, 2018 at 12:40 am

    Would you believe that my last two celebrity sightings in LA have been R Barr and Common.

  4. The mumps…or the bumps?

  5. Hope you are not patient zero in the next

    Dance Epidemic..

  6. Luther Von Baconson

    January 8, 2018 at 12:07 pm

    get well soon!

  7. GjermundHigraff

    January 8, 2018 at 5:15 pm

    We’re men, we’re meningites
    Always on guard defending the sick people’s rights

    • With Man Flu now somehow being accorded “real” status, there are a ton of exciting new gender specific ailments we can cite to explain our down days . . .

      Coxsackie Guyrus
      Dudonic Plague


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