Thinkpieces, longreads, call-outs, or exegeses of Taylor Swift’s new album
Lemme guess: is Taylor Swift’s new album about Taylor Swift? And what everyone thinks of Taylor Swift and how they’re wrong (but also a little bit right)? What about the haters? (There are so many haters.) Does Taylor slay the haters? Exactly what role does White Supremacy play in the title track? What does Rob Sheffield think?
Low-level accusations of sexual assault.
I’ll say it, Enthusiasts: we’ve reached Peak Accusation. From here on in, I need a real big name to garner my interest, or someone out of left field. Like, if the boys from Hanson have all been assaulting each other for 30 years, then I will read that story. Don’t bother me with Richard Dreyfuss; I already assumed he was whipping it out constantly.
Essays regarding the Marvel movies as films.
It’s just guys named Chris punching each other. Remember Guardians of the Galaxy 2? The baddie in that one was a living planet, a world that had achieved sentience, and he was defeated when a guy named Chris punched him.
Warnings to the Democrats to stop focusing on “identity politics.”
Let’s play a fun game. Who’s got a dog? Great, you look at your dog while I say “identity politics.” Did he look around? I bet your dog looked around, because “identity politics” is a dog whistle, but a unique one. It informs you of its bias by exclusion, rather than allusion. Identity politics is what blacks do, and gays and Mexicans and all the other various brands of ethnic whatnot. Identity politics is never, though, practiced by whites. Why, even to suggest such a thing gives me the heebies and a touch of jeebies. White is not an identity, nosiree: white is…well, normal. Insistence that politics be tailored to white people isn’t “identity politics,” it’s simple acquiescence to the true way of the world. It’s just common sense.
Here, look at this bullshit:
There’s no denying that a significant source of the energy in the Democratic Party comes from people for whom identity politics are highly salient. But these findings suggest that further sharpening these issues will not gain Democrats much of anything. To the extent that some white voters are alienated by these issues, identity politics may backfire, driving votes away. “Democrats, Cut The Cheer” Washington Post 11/10/17
The racists must be appeased. At all costs, the ire of the Fox News viewer cannot be aroused. It’s fine to be black, I guess, but could you do it a bit more quietly? Straighten out those wrists, sissies. Speak English or die.
Can’t you all be a bit more grateful?
And then there’s this asshole
Since the election, both United and American have set up weekly shuttles from D.C. to Bumfuck, whisking Big Media to diners and bowling alleys and VFW halls to have the same exact conversation with an interchangeable set of characters:
- Shirley Puckler, 51. Works for the county. At least one family member addicted to opiates. Keeps her Basic Menthols in a knit purse. Likes how Trump speaks his mind, but wishes he’d tweet a little less.
- Gary Lyons, 62. Retired. Meets his buddies for coffee at the same diner every morning at dawn. That NFL thing is getting to him, and so is the media’s negativity.
- Jesse Faring, 38. Unemployed. Just comes right out and says “nigger.”
Throw in some local color about how pretty the fucking trees are or something, and you’ve got yourself an article.
The Russian stuff.
This is not out of principle. After two paragraphs full of names like Polonskaya, Kutepova, and Vinogradov, my eyes dry up and suck back into my skull for protection. It’s why I’ve never made it through The Brothers Karamazov.