“Cut the shit. What is this?”
What do you mean?
“Why am I here? No one wants this.”
Sure they do.
“This pleases no one. Move on from the topic of me.”
Can I at least link to the great Nick Paumgarten’s 2014 article on you?
“You just did.”
I’m kind of in charge.
“Please. Find a new shiny thing. Again: no one wants this.”
I guess. Hey, did Nick call you a genius?
“No, he wrote about my many houses, boats, super-model ex-wives, top-ten hits, and the helicopter ride we shared to the basketball arena I had sold out that night.”
Oh, that’s better.
“Way better. Move on.”