When should I make special note of the fact that my attorney is Jewish?

When discussing him with your 26-year-old daughter Hannah, who is so so wonderful and beautiful and kind but just hasn’t found the right person, and here’s his number and you should just call him; I’ll pay for dinner if you go out with him.

When else?

That’s about it.

Nothing else?

I truly cannot think of another reason. Maybe if you’re recommending a friend go see him/her, but that friend is frightened by Jews.

Why would you recommend a Jewish lawyer to someone who didn’t like Jews?

No, the friend is fine with Jews, but they startle him. Like, “Ah! Jew!” but then everything’s cool.

That’s just odd.

This is what I’m saying. There’s no reason to mention your lawyer’s Judaism. Well, there’s one reason.

Which is?

You’re a fucking Anti-Semite.