Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Who Can Replace Bill O’Reilly?

  • The Nuge.
  • Panda full of Thorazine.
  • The ghost of Tennessee Ernie Ford.
  • Pile of pubic hair in the shape of a sad gas station hot dog.
  • Blonde with nice stems and killer tits.
  • Gene Simmons.
  • Vomit on fire.
  • Rerun of All in the Family.
  • Black guy. (Hear me out. Fox News is watched by racist white people, and if there’s one thing racist white people love, it’s when a black guy tells them they’re correct to be racist. Bonus points if the black guy was in the military.)
  • Fuck it: hire Richard Spencer.


  1. Gene Simmons is probably too smart to replace Bill O. The Nuge seems the obvious choice, but Sheriff Pitchfork(David Clarke) could get the show if he loses re-election in Milwaukee County Sheriff. He would certainly fit your characterization of the proper black commentator for the Fox News audience. I am hoping that Watters World becomes a daily show that replaces Bill O just to add insult to injury.

  2. “Pile of pubic hair in the shape of a sad gas station hot dog” is almost unimaginably odd.

  3. Luther Von Baconson

    April 19, 2017 at 1:20 pm


  4. Fox News in the evening has been deficient in bottle blondes for a few months. They’ll probably go that direction or, in the interest of diversity, maybe a bottle red.

  5. Whoever’s hosting Inside Edition now?

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