Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Worst Team-Up Ever

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This is a terrible Super-Team, honestly. I can’t even see these four agreeing on a name, let alone getting anything done. There are a number of different agendas going on, plus Galactus would eat the earth the first chance he got.

Electro (this is the old comic book version, who was white and had the coolest costume ever, not the movie version, who was black and sucked) is pretty much just a bank robber with zappity powers. This should give you an idea of how dumb comic books were back then (and still mostly are today): the guy controlled electricity and he used this ability to rob banks at noon.

Luke Cage and Doctor Strange are both getting their intellectual properties serviced this year, Strange in a movie and Cage on Netflix. Is this racist? Maybe a little, but Doctor Strange needs a lot bigger effects budget than Luke Cage: the Doctor battles demon dimensions and has a Cloak of Levitation and goes to Tibet, while Luke mostly hangs out in Harlem and punches people.

Luke Cage was Marvel’s stab at Blaxploitation: he’s just Shaft, except Shaft wouldn’t wear buccaneer boot. (Superheros were big into buccaneer boots.) Luke was convicted of a crime he didn’t commit, and volunteered for an experiment while in prison that gave him super-strength. Basically, Super-Shaft. Lately, the character’s been allowed to wear human clothes and turned into an actual human being and an Avenger; he no longer uses a chain as a belt.

These are Toy Biz Marvel Legends: for the first time in the ’00’s, Marvel finally got some good toys. They were big hunks of well-sculpted (mostly) plastic with a good heft to them and many points of articulation, plus it wasn’t just Spider-Man and Cap every time. The figures came out in waves of five or six; you’d get one superstar, but the rest would be obscure weirdos like Captain Britain or Deathlok which no one wanted to buy.

So Toybiz got smart: starting around wave 8 or 9, they included a piece of a larger figure in with each individual toy. It was called a Build-A-Figure. You had to buy the entire wave to make Galactus, which got pricey. In Toy Biz’s defense: HE IS SO FUCKING COOL. (Also, the strategy was faulty: with a gnarly and super-desirable BAF like Galactus, you could put some real scrubs in the wave and people would still buy them, but I just looked and it’s Nightcrawler, and Professor X, and War Machine, and First Appearance Grey Hulk. Later on, they had shitty BAFs like Mojo* and the characters were Longshot and Psylocke. I ain’t buying Longshot and Psylocke.)

(As to what this is apropos of: I collected this junk for years and they’re sitting in a box in my closet. Gonna sell them on Ebay, I think, so I have to take pictures of them all. I won’t subject you to the whole thing, unless you’re entertained by it. I think I’m opening this one up to a vote. Every landowner over 18 is entitled to a vote, and the poll tax can be paid by clicking the Donate Button.)

YOU COULDN’T FUCKING HELP YOURSELF, COULD YOU?

In my defense: name another daily Dead-themed satirical blogs that could wrap up a post on children’s toys with a poll tax joke.

Yeah, kinda.

Right? Worth something.

We need to have a talk.

We’ve been talking for years.

Yeah, about that.

  • Trust me when I say this: if you don’t know who Mojo is, then you’re better off. He came from the Mojoverse, and let that piece of information be your warning sign.

6 Comments

  1. They are scary actually, the guy in the middle’s helmet is creepy to me

  2. The guy in the middle is a bad guy so he was supposed to be creepy. He was the one in the article who “would eat the earth first chance he got.” On a side note Deathloc is a regular guest on Agents of S.H.E.I.L.D.

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