Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Yakkety Yak, Don’t Bring Sexy Back

“And we’re back on the air with the Radio Randy show on the SiriusXM Grateful Dead Channel, number 23 on your dial. Our guest is Bob Weir.”

“It’s probably for the best I’m on this station, Randy. I got thrown off Jamie Foxx’s comedy channel.”

“Why, Bob?”

“Billy wrote my material.”

“Sure. You were recently in Mexico with Bill Kreutzmann. Tell us about Los Muertos con Queso.”

“I can’t eat it front of my sister-in-law.”

“Lillian Monster.”

“Yeah. She starts whipping bullhorns at your head if you look like you’re enjoying your food.”

“She is a vegan.”

“How’d you hear?”

“She’s broken into the studio a number of times.”

“Ah.”

“Last month, she chained herself to David Gans to protest pet bullying.”

“Pet bullying?”

“Calling your dog fat, gaslighting your cat.”

“Right, yeah. Once, I pretended to throw the tennis ball to my dog, and she picketed Thanksgiving.”

“So, how did you find Mexico, Bob?”

“I went south, and there it was.”

“How were the crowds?”

“On the other side of a fence from me.”

“Did you enjoy the food?”

“Except one meal, yeah.”

“Bob, let’s take a call.”

“You bet.”

“John in Los Angeles, you’re on with Radio Randy and Bob Weir.”

“Bobby, can my friend Justin be a Grateful Dead, too?”

“Who is this?”

“Josh.”

“Hey, Josh. Your friend has to go back to his own band.”

“But I already told him he could!”

“Well, you shouldn’t have done that, huh?”

“Pleeeeease?”

“Nope. I don’t know why you’re asking me for anything when you haven’t taken the garbage out.”

“I said I’d do it!”

“Now’s a good time.”

“I SAID I’D DO IT! God, you’re so mean!”

“You’d better straighten up and fly right before the tour, or so help me.”

“So help you what?”

“Excuse me!?

“Nothing.”

“Don’t make me take off my sandal!”

“I WISH I WAS NEVER BORN!”

“You just wait til your Irving Azoff gets home, young man.”

DIAL TONE NOISE EVEN THOUGH PHONES DO NOT DO THAT ANY MORE

“That got weird.”

“Kid’s got so much potential, Randy. He’s soloing at an 11th-grade level, but he just won’t put in the effort.”

“Kids.”

“What can you do?”

1 Comment

  1. Josh is gettin’ too big for his britches, skating on thin ice.

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