Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Yes, We Have No Pianos

band 74 wos 7:21

Reasons for a backup piano:

  • First-string piano tears its ACL.
  • Leverage in contract negotiations.
  • Keith liked to play them both at the same time, stretching his arms out like Christ (if Christ were the keyboardist in Yes) to tinkle both sets of ivories. When Phil rightly pointed out that he wasn’t actually accomplishing anything, Keith fired back: “YOU’RE NOT–” and passed out.
  • There was a Buy One Get One sale at The Piano Barn and passing up that kind of deal is criminal.
  • Pianos should always be kept in pairs or they get lonely and often display obsessive behavior.
  • After the actual show, Keith, Bobby, and Mrs. Donna Jean would entertain a select few fans with their Fabulous Baker Boys routine. It was a failure because Mrs. Donna Jean is no one’s idea of a sultry chanteuse, Bobby does not really know how to play the piano, and Keith would burst into tears during Making Whoopie.
  • It’s where the drugs are stashed. Used to be a guitar case, then a speaker enclosure, now a piano.
  • It just followed the Grateful Dead home one day. The Grateful Dead’s mom was all, “You already have an enormous piano,” and the Grateful Dead was all, “I promise I’ll transport it around the country ar great expense,” and Mom was all, “Okay,” and the Dead was all, “YAAAY!”
  • Billy Joel might show up.
  • Due to a malfunction with the Time Sheath technology (Mickey played drums on it until it spazzed out,) the piano to the right is actually the same piano as the one on the left, except from ten minutes from now. It’s fine as long as they don’t touch because that would decreate the universe.
  • They started the tour with six; this is all that’s left.

2 Comments

  1. I don’t know whether or not the statute of limitations have run out on any comments I might want to make on this caper. So, I’m Mum here.

  2. Decreate $$$

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