Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Your Damn Dirty Paws

This is a picture made of many, many pixels: blow it up as big as you can.

You will note that Garcia is handsome and his head is diamond-shaped. Close readers of TotD will have been Baader-Meinhoffed into seeing the loosely knotted ropes and unshielded power cables that mark this as Precarious Lee’s turf.

Did you see how much Billy looks like Hercule Poirot? Or at least like James Coco playing Hercule Poirot? And, of course, Billy’s adorable finger while pretending to make a chord on Bobby’s guitar.

And then there’s Bobby, who is SCREAMING ON THE INSIDE over that filthy roustabout TOUCHING MY MOTHERFUCKING GUITAR. Bobby wants Billy’s hand on his guitar’s neck like he wants Albert DiSalvo’s hand on his actual neck.

Bobby remembered this breach for quite a while and fumed until one day, while no one was looking, he jammed one of Billy’s drumsticks up his butt, then gave it a quick wipe and replaced it with the others. Looking back soon after, Bobby recalled how much he enjoyed enbuttening the ‘stick and ran to the music store in town to pick up several for his own personal use.

Unfortunately for Bobby, as he was leaving the store with the parcel of drumsticks under his arm, he ran right into Mickey, who was coming to the store to investigate the rumor that it was selling a drum from Tierra del Fuego made from the skins of three different kinds of endangered monkeys.

When Mickey asked Bobby what the drumsticks were for, well: Bobby couldn’t just come right out and say it. His puckered chap craved the taste and feel of a Vic Firth: the butt wants what it wants.

He thought about telling Mickey that the drumsticks were for him, that he wanted to learn to play the drums, but realized that would lead to immediate drum lessons from Mickey and Mickey appointing himself his Drum Shaman and long talks with Mickey about the history of drums and different kind of drums and drums drums drums with Mickey Mickey Mickey all the damn day and Bobby did not want that, please.

He hesitated for a bit too long; Mickey accused him of buying the ‘sticks for some sort of prank; Bobby hastily agreed and thought the matter dropped when Mickey confiscated the drumsticks.

Thus began the Prank War of 1974.


  1. Billy was actually a “Regal Tip” endorser. Remember that charming pic of Sir Dick Puncher, with his quiet, satisfied smile and chin resting in his palm? No? Get with it, man!

  2. Anchovy Rancher

    April 6, 2015 at 2:44 pm

    It is now a “Lost Dog” Poster, distributed throughout my neighborhood.

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