Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

You’re About To Learn A New Word


Stand up straight.

“Please leave me alone.”

Unicorns don’t slouch. They’re known for their posture.

“That’s Mickey.”

And unicorns. Don’t argue with me on this: I used to lie about having a Master’s in Cryptequinology.


The study of made-up horses.

“Big field?”

Unicorns, centaurs, zebras, my little ponies.

“Zebras are real.”

Nope. CG.

“I’ve seen them at zoos.”

Hard-light holograms. I thought you were hanging out backstage with Mike Gordon.

“There was a problem.”

Oh, no.

“I got mustard on my onesie.”

Hot dog?

“Sex thing.”

Sure. Go on.

“And Mike says, ‘We’ve got a washing machine.’ So I slapped him in the face as hard as I could.”


“Washing machine? I won’t be insulted like that.”

So you got thrown out of backstage.

“Yeah, a little. Did you know that Phish has a Parish?”

What’s his name?


Sounds right.

“John, darling! It’s me, us!

“That makes no sense.”


“Oh, actually it did make sense.”

“Get ready for a British Invasion.”

“Not again.”

“And again, and again. John Mayer, prepare your mouth and asshole!”

“Oh, I could have lived my whole life without having heard that sentence.”

“We’re going to put you under pressure, John. And you’ll want to break free, but the show must go on. Soon after, though, you’ll realize that the Freddies Mercury are somebody to love, and you’ll be our best friend.”

“Bicycle Race.”

“There it is. Yeah, this isn’t happening.”

“Oh, darling. Who’s going to stop us?”

“The multicorn.”



“Oh, the multicorn. I see it now.”

“There can only be one.”

“There are five of us, and four of you. There can be more than one.”

“I’m too high for math, Freddies. Let’s do this.”





1 Comment

  1. Lost Ninja Movie found on Bruce Lee’s houseboat.

    “Enter the Multicorn”

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