Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Donald Trump Responds To Facts From The Wikipedia Page For March 22nd

  • First Stanley Cup game played, 1894. (“Canada should be careful. Are they pulling their weight? America has to defend the whole continent? Who’s attacking Canada? No one. Why? Us. Do they chip in? No. They send their geese. Very bad animal. Not a winner. Maybe I need to build two walls. Steel, concrete. Fifty feet. But you know what? I’m gonna make Mexico pay for that one, too.”)
  • Death of Karl Wallenda, 1978. (“I can walk on a tightrope. I can walk on a tightrope very well. A lot of people need the big stick. I don’t need the big stick. And I look great in the leotard. People see me in my leotard, many people, and they say how muscular I am. I can stand on one leg. I can do the somersault. Jump. Very good at tightrope walking.”)
  • The Republic of China is restored, 1916. (“I know China very well. Sold many apartments to many Chinese. Do deals with the Chinese all the time. Been to Beijing on my plane. Brought my own food. Their version of Chinese food is different than ours. I can say ‘Ni Hao.’ They’re killing us, though. They own us. I’d change that. Have to be strong. Chinese? They’re pretty strong. Gotta say it, very strong, gotta say it. I’m pretty strong. I’m very strong. Strong. China.”)
  • London bullion market reopens, 1954. (“Lazy way to make soup. It’s a lie. That soup is not soup you want. Y’know, the British media is very unfair. They lie. Just like the soup. Not all English are liars. Some are. Some are perverts. Perverted island. Just like the Japanese. Something about islands, turns people into sex maniacs. 400 newspapers and a good 350 are anti-Trump. Not right.”)
  • James Brown born, 1920. (“A good friend. Entertained at many of my properties. In every picture of us together, he is smiling, and he should be. Didn’t smell great after the show. Once chased my butler around Mar-A-Lago for an hour with a rake. Caught him, raked him. A good raker, but not as good as me.”)
  • Ukranian violinist Mykola Lysenko born, 1842. (“Who’s helping us? Around the world, I mean. We gotta fight Russia. We gotta pay. Why we gotta pay? Someone’s gotta fight Russia. That’s how the world works. Italy can’t fight Russia, so maybe they should pay us to do it. Maybe we should start World War II and make everyone else pay for it. Sounds right to me.”)
  • Comet Hale-Bopp approaches earth, 1997. (“Comets are weak asteroids. Ice. Tails. Asteroids are rock.What can you make out of rock? How about a pyramid? A classy one? I build the best pyramids out of asteroids you’ve ever seen. Put it on the market, full occupancy by the end of the week. People want to be in the pyramid-asteroid business with Trump. What can you build out of a comet? Weak. Not strong.”)
  • Arab League formed, 1948. (Killing us. Good friends with the Arabs. The Arabs love me. Dubai. Dealt with the Saudis on many occasion. The poor Arabs are a problem. Rich ones are great. Spoil their kids, but whatever. Great. Tough negotiators. Poor ones? I don’t know. I don’t know. Maybe we start World War III. I don’t know.”)
  • Birth of author Louis L’Amour, 1908. (“I’m gonna start World War III. People have tried, but they’re losers. At my last rally, people kept coming up to me: “Mr. Trump, you would start World War III so well and so powerfully.” They’re right. The person who said that to me was Latino, by the way. Accent and everything. So, you know: that’s something I’m going to do. First day? Probably not. Quickly? Yes.”)

8 Comments

  1. Luther Von Baconson

    March 23, 2016 at 10:47 am

    Trumpmation in the works?

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