Enthusiasts, I now know how the terrorists who shot up the Charlie Hebdo offices felt.

DUDE!

What?

Too much, too soon.

Did I overstate my case?

Yes.

But you don’t know what I was talking about.

It doesn’t matter. There is no subject about which that sentiment is permissible.

You don’t understand: I disagree with Rock Nerds. Someone gotta die.

They don’t. All entertainment-based BEST EVAR lists are pointless wastes of time. Nick Hornby wrote a book about it.

But there’s so much left out! There’s no Butt Rock, Goon Rock, Cousin Rock, Fingerbang Rock; so little of the list has the right hair. I mean: Todd Rundgren’s on the list.

Ew.

Right?

Yeah, still: simmer down. It’s not something to get mad about, and I’m sure that the list can’t be that bad.

There’s no Rush.

Excuse me?

No Rush.

Not even La Villa?

Nope.

The 2112 Suite?

Nuh-uh.

The 2112 Suite is maybe the only truly perfect Prog Rock album side.

I do not disagree. Pitchfork does, however.

What about Slade?

Slade? Cmon. The Stones are barely on the thing.

NWOBHM?

The New Wave of British Heavy Metal? No way. This is Pitchfork, not NME.

How many Fela songs?

One.

Does it seem like it was chosen at random?

Oh, yeah.

We’ve discussed the fact that Elvis was snubbed?

We have.

I’ve thought about it: you may be angry at this list.

YAAY!

Play another song better than anything on that dopey list.

How about Ellen Foley and Mick Ronson covering the Stones from 1979?

Oh, God, yes.

Ellen Foley gives us hope.