Thoughts On The Just-Ended Rio Olympics

(Due to the Time Sheath throwing a tantrum, this post from August 21st, 2016, is being published today. Everyone here at Thoughts on the Dead sincerely regrets the inconvenience.)

• Terrible what happened to all those gymnasts.
• I’m sure Michael Phelps will turn up.
• Never saw a death squad in a velodrome before; it was incongruous.
• Right now, there’s a lot of stigma attached to Zika babies, but there’s going to be a shit-ton more real soon, so perhaps there will be campaigns for awareness and tolerance, and that is a good thing.
• Speaking of Zika: it mutated so fast, didn’t it?
• The rowing events were fun, until the arrival of the sharks made out of living sewage.
• They mutated fast, too, huh?
• Was it Day 10 when the shit sharks learned to walk on land and started running around the beach biting people with their mouths made out of doody?
• Bob Costas did not know what to say.
• I am glad that the Russians were not caught cheating, but I am sad that all of Brazil’s laboratories mysteriously burned to the ground; I do not think those things are related.
• The most shocking day of the Games had to be Day 6, when we all awoke to find the Aquatic Center had been stolen.
• Almost, but not precisely, exactly no tour buses were caught in the middle of a gun battle between rival gangs; that’s pretty good.
• While there was quite a bit of suspected cannibalism, there was no proven cannibalism; that’s really good.
• Carmelo Anthony was mugged by the Mayor of Rio on camera; that was not good at all.
• I’m glad the Kickstarter to fund the Closing Ceremonies succeeded.
• Let’s do this again in four years!