Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Tilikum And Gone

tilikum whale

Hey, Tilikum. Whatcha doing?


Yeah. I heard. Sorry about that.

“Ahh, not your fault. You’re all right. Come a little closer.”

Not a shot.

“Good call. I was totally gonna murder you.”

You enjoy murdering people.

“Well, honestly: can you blame me?”

Fuck, no. I’m impressed you haven’t killed more than three people.

“I wish I had gotten to murder the people that deserved it, though. I mean: all you fuckers deserve it, but I want a shot at the bosses. Two minutes. They don’t even have to get in the pool, just stand near it.”

I would have no problem with that.

“No one would. I would die a hero. Look what they did to my dorsal fin, man!”

You look like a male porn star who’s not getting paid for the day.

“Right? Fuckers. Stole my whole life.”

Yeah, they did. Sorry about that.

“Not your fault. Can I get a hug?”


“You’re smart!”

I know.

“I was absolutely going to murder you.”


“Nothing personal.”

No offense taken. So, uh, you got any last requests or anything?

“Teach me how to start a fire.”

Christ, I would love that, buddy.

“And tell me about the rabbits.”

Sure. Sure. Just close your eyes.

“You’re all right.”

No. We’re all shit for letting this happen.

“Yeah. You are.”

“Will there be icebergs? I don’t know why I know that word, but it seems like I should be somewhere with icebergs. I’ve never seen one.”

You won’t be able to count them. They’ll tower into the sky.

“That sounds nice. Any people to murder?”

No. No people at all.

“That sounds even better.”


  1. Everybody should see the film blackfish. It was on Netflix a while back maybe still is.
    True story , tilikum tried to kill me once! F,ing sealand had him back in the 80’s , at the end of the ‘show’ they have everyone lean over the edge saying where is he look way over and then just my luck the mfing beautiful captive whale comes flying up out of the water teeth a few inches from my head and splashes down soaking everyone. I was scared s- less at the time.mIt was horrible the conditions he was and is being kept in.

  2. Luther Von Baconson

    March 10, 2016 at 11:02 am

    it’ll be good when the humans have left the building. might have to throw out some piss-stained mattresses, those Amazon crates might come in handy.

  3. Dammit this is beautiful.

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